Last week, I (Doug) migrated from one funeral wake to another to show our respect, appreciation, and partnership at the loss of three treasured workers, each of whom gave their lives while serving Christ, our org and our partners, and the Great Commission. Unfortunately, the sensitive nature of their work prevents us from revealing where they served or what they were doing. We probably shouldn’t even reveal how they died (other than to say that it wasn’t a death planned by those who might have wanted to persecute them; it was a tragic traffic accident; enough said). Their family members’ emotions were all over the board, as one might imagine. But I have to say — the overarching theme was a sense of pride and purpose. Comments like, “You can’t stop telling the Good News. If you do so, our son’s (daughter’s) life will be for nothing.” We were humbled, sobered, and inspired by family and friends — and the testimonies they shared about the life-long plans these workers had held to serve cross-culturally.
So — what does one say? What can we communicate in times like those? All I could think of saying was, “Thank you. Your son/daughter was doing something incredibly, eternally important. He (she) didn’t die while doing drugs or getting in trouble. Your daughter (son) made the ultimate sacrifice in the service of the Creator and King of the universe. For that, you can always be thankful.” Still, I wept because I couldn’t find words.
We also helped team members deal with the grief. We placed three chairs at the front of the room, each with a sign bearing the name of the fallen teammate. Team members each could walk forward and speak to the chair, sharing a leave-taking, or giving thanks in a way that he or she didn’t have time to give previously. It took as long for team members to grieve as it did for family members. And, in fact, the grief will continue forward. We shared something of the cycle that they’ll see in the days, weeks, and (for some) even months to come. We predicted frustration, confusion, guilt, sadness, depression, anxiety — and more — would take place on the journey ahead. We asked team members to watch for *deep* depression (suicidal thoughts, inability to function, etc.) and refer those team members immediately. But we also cautioned them against judging team members who seemed ready to move on in a more “instant” way. We explained that different people grieve in different ways. Just because a friend doesn’t cry, it doesn’t mean she didn’t love. And just because a friend DOES cry, it doesn’t mean he isn’t working through the process in a healthy way.
What would YOU say at the death of a missionary/friend? What’s the best resource or book to recommend for team leaders or regional specialists? Thanks for any help and hope you can give. Please pray for fallen colleagues throughout the globe, wherever and however they might have perished.
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